Change...

WOW! I can't believe everything that has happened in the past month! I'm not really sure what to think or how to feel about a lot of things. Sometimes I feel like I'm just gonna wake up and everything will be back to normal, but that is not likely to happen (ok so it's impossible!). I'm not even sure where to start. So i'll start at the beginning.

This year has been really tough but Lace and Ash were always there for me and we were great at distracting ourselves from reality:) But I guess I had to wake up and smell the roses eventually. I was finally ok with putting Brian in the past and moving on. I applied to BYU-Idaho because I felt like getting out and experiencing new things might be the only way for me to really start over. I needed options!!! But just when I was accepting the blahness of my life I got an amazing surprise! Four weeks ago out of nowhere a guy in the branch asked me to go on a date. I didn't really know Matts very well but he dated a friend and he seemed like fun and even tho he is 28 he did not apear to be a creeper! He is such an incredible guy and he makes me so happy. I hate that I didn't handle things with my friends very well. I should have balanced things better but I can't change that now. I'll just have to try and move on and hope that someday they will forgive me and know that I never meant to hurt them!

Harsh Realities!!

Wow this year has been a doosy so far! At points I didn't think I could possibly survive. What had I done to deserve to hit rock bottom?! Well thats just the way life is sometimes i've come to conclude. It's never fair and it's not always fun. But I'm finally ok with that. I can't keep blaming things on other people and trying to avoid the real issues. I have allowed the negatives to take control of my life but I'm ready to pull out of it!!!

There are so many good things in my life that I am ashamed to admit that I have been taking advantage of them. I have two of the best friends in the world! I don't know what I would do without Lacey and Ashleigh! They have quietly put up with my ridiculis nonsense for so long but last night it was time for a rude awakening!(ok so they were never really quiet bout anything, but last night they almost had to scream in my face!)

I hate that more than letting myself done these past few months I have let them down. They have been there to pull me up off the floor, rub my back and make me laugh. I love them for all they have done for me, but more than that I love them for their harsh wake up call! I have been selfish but because of them and their faith in me I know that I will be ok but only if I stick with what I HAVE to do!!